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Recently, a JetBlue flight attendant acted out, by engaging in what I’m sure was a scenario he and countless others have thought about for quite some time. After an altercation with a passenger, the flight attendant exclaimed expletives that were directed at the passenger, with whom he’d had the altercation, grabbed two beers and departed the plane via the emergency chute. Through his actions, he conveyed the sentiment, take this job and shove it!

When you negotiate, do you find yourself becoming angered by certain positions adopted by those with whom you’re negotiating? In such situations, do you find that you have to watch your temper, in order to maintain your credibility in the negotiation? By displaying anger during a negotiation, you can lose credibility. If you find yourself in such situations, try a few of the following suggestions to free your mind, preserve your credibility, and maintain the path that you’ve set for the negotiation.

1. Some negotiators reward bad behavior by succumbing to it, while others rail against it, and in turn become defiant. If you wish to use anger as a ploy, know with whom you’re negotiating and the other negotiator’s proclivity when contemplating to what degree you’ll allow your temper to run rampant during the negotiation.

2. If you observe the body language (nonverbal communication) behavior of the other negotiator, you’ll glimpse his inner demeanor. If you’re astute at doing so, you’ll be able to observe the escalation of his anger quotient before it reaches a point of confrontation. Just be mindful to practice equilibrium in the process.

3. Rage is a state of mind that disallows you from thinking in the normal manner by which you deduce situations. Thus, understand what ticks you off and if need be, simulate the situation that might cause such emotional consternation prior to entering into a live negotiation environment. In essence, try to thwart the mindset you might possess that would cause you to become emotionally unstable prior to entering into the situation. Attempt to experience the full range of rage you might experience and allow yourself to be calmed by a thought that mentally centers your thought process.

4. When you’re disgruntled in a negotiation, conceal it. If you allow it to seep into the negotiation, you run the risk of poisoning the environment, and instilling animosity in the other negotiator. Instead of displaying your disgruntled behavior, if appropriate, play the role of someone that’s very pleased with everything that’s occurring. This role can be played internally, which should allow you the time to regain your composure, before allowing the negative conduct to influence the negotiation.

It’s very easy to go through emotional simulations when you’re imagining how you might feel when beset by rage during a negotiation. To become better empowered and to enhance your ability not to lose your cool during such occurrences, practice the techniques outlined above frequently. By doing so, you’ll set your subliminal thought process to pause, before turning negative. The spillover benefit of such actions will manifest themselves in a positive manner in your negotiations. Hence, you’ll have greater control of yourself and the negotiation… and everything will be right with the world. Remember, you’re always negotiating.

The Negotiation Tips Are…

· Sometimes, when you get bogged down in the details of a negotiation, you obtain insight from which to thwart the efforts of the other negotiator to make you go negative. Determine when it’s best to challenge an angry opponent with logic versus imitating his actions.

· Some people make artful statements when negotiating. First, seek to understand their intent before reacting to it.

· There’s always a balance that one has to practice when negotiating. If you’re too obstinate, you’ll alienate the other negotiator. If you’re too quaint, you’ll position yourself to possibly be steamrolled. Seek balance.

One of the key challenges in any sales presentation is communicating a message that makes prospects pay attention. Amid all the clutter and noise that exists in the marketplace, how do we get those with whom we most want to do business with, to pay attention to us?

Obviously, that’s a complex question and the answer quite frankly is that there are a lot of factors. But if we go to ground zero, that point where we are first trying to get attention, there is one element that we most want to focus on.

The problem. That’s what gets attention. That’s what makes people say, “Perhaps I should learn a bit more.” It doesn’t mean that they’re going to get them to hire us. It doesn’t mean that they’re going to give us money. But, the right problem, presented in a way that is compelling and intriguing, can be the proverbial spark that starts the dry brush ablaze.

However, what do most people do? How do they try to capture attention? Ironically (and mostly ineffectively) they talk about themselves. The opening salvo usually takes one of two forms. Sometimes it’s the ubiquitous, “This is what I do.” “I’m a lawyer, realtor, financial advisor, headhunter, butcher, baker candlestick-maker. ” What’s the response? Typically, “Oh.”

Those that have been to sales training 101 (but didn’t stay through the whole thing) know that this is not enough. So they confidently answer, “We offer the worlds most researched solution on extrapolating data through software integration.”

“How very nice for you.”

Answers like these are what my friend Don refers to as “Hammers in search of a nail.” Realistically how many of us really know what software integration is? Or care?

So what’s the answer? How can we make people care? One of the most effective ways is to put the answer in the context of something that I can understand. Something I can relate to. And what might that be? Simply put, it’s a story.

What stories have in common is that they address a problem. Some sort of gap between what the main character desires and his or her current state. It could be desire for love, success, confidence or any of another basic human goals. From a business perspective it could be something a bit more pragmatic: increased sales, improved employee morale or reducing costs.

The point is that if you want to get someone’s attention you need to focus on the problems that you solve. Even if the person you’re speaking to doesn’t suffer from that particular problem, by focusing on problems rather than some bland recitation about what you “do”, you dramatically increase the likelihood that they will remember you.

Let’s take the marketing consultant as an example. She could try to get attention by saying, “I’m a marketing consultant.” In one ear and out the other. Let’s try again.

She could say, “I offer an integrated turn-key solution to help my clients get more new clients.” Hmmm. Still a bit of the “hammer in search of a nail.” It’s hard to visualize what she really does. And that’s the key. We need to get what we do visualized in the person’s brain. We need for it to come alive.

So how do we do that? We need to paint a picture. We need to tell a story. Like this:

“On a fundamental level I help my clients get more new business. The challenge most of them face is that they’re the ‘best kept secret’ in their marketplace. I show them how to get more referrals by communicating unique sales stories about what they do.”

So let’s examine this last answer in a bit more detail. Certainly it’s longer and that may take a bit of getting used to. Since most everyone describes what they do in 15 words or less we feel compelled to do so as well. Resist that temptation. If you have something interesting to say, your reader or listener will stick with you.

So this answer starts by framing the topic by focusing on a large problem-getting more new clients. However, she doesn’t stop there. She immediately drills down on a highly specific problem (being the “best kept secret”) that she helps solve. She then concludes by transitioning into what she offers. However it’s important to note, that she is very specific about how she helps.

What our marketing lady has done here is to paint a picture in our minds. We can now easily visualize a problem she works on. In all likelihood she probably works on many different problems and depending upon the situation she is in, she draws upon different answers. However, each answer follows the same format of hooking attention by focusing on a problem.